Introvert or Extrovert? Who wins?

I often get emails from people who have convinced themselves that they have to be extrovert to succeed, but the facts don’t support that.

I am a bit of an introvert. Yes, I am ambitious and determined, but I am certainly not extrovert. I don’t enjoy public speaking even though people say I am good at it. I don’t enjoy cocktail parties even though people say I am very sociable. I don’t even enjoy my birthday because people make me the center of attention. I am uncomfortable in crowds. I don’t enjoy group activities. I am very self critical. I find people generally talk so much that sometimes I just crave a silent corner, a quiet spot. Apparently this gets me the label of introvert.

As an ‘introvert,’ however, I have a strong relationship with my intuition. I am a good observer. I hear far. I can focus, and I am not easily distracted from a task. I can spot BS in a nanosecond. I think these are advantageous traits in what I do.

In my life I have been told, as if it were a law, that only extroverts have the personality to make it big. I have been told that the higher up the food chain one goes, the harder and more cut-throat it gets. Others have tried to convince me that at the top the people have to work 24/7. None of it proved to be true. Introvert or extrovert is irrelevant.

Here is what science says:

Nearly one-half of the general population are introverts (CAPT, 2003). The concept of introversion was popularized by Carl Jung in the 1920s, who asserted that introversion is characterized by turning inward rather than outward, with interest toward external objects withdrawing back into the “subject”, who is of primary importance. According to Jung, it may be intellectual or emotional, characterized by either sensation or intuition (Jung, 1976). His contemporary Freud offered a more concrete definition, writing an introvert is “an individual in whom exists an exaggeration of the thought processes in relation to directly observable social behavior, with an accompanying tendency to withdraw from social contacts” (Freud, 1924).

Traits associated with introversion include analytical, reserved, deliberative, cautious, self-conscious, introspective, anxious, reticent, and conscientious. Freud also describes behavioral tendencies that overlap with introverted traits. Many have difficulty with public speaking, prefer completing tasks alone and are prone to sensitivity when it comes to personal remarks (Freud, 1924). In addition, introverts can be easily embarrassed, prefer few friends over many and have difficulty in decision-making due to risk aversion. Most are motivated by praise, rely on rationalization rather than impulse, and are competitive—especially in intellectual and creative work (Allport & Allport, 1921).

I call BS on Carl Jung. To place half a planet’s population into one room and the other half into the other room is nonsense. We all have traits that can be labeled either way just as we all have feminine and masculine energies to work with. We choose. we have preferences. We have a spectrum that changes depending on how we feel in any moment and what we are attending to in any moment.

Today, research understands that the brains of introverts process information uniquely. As a group, they remain highly misunderstood in society, due to their need to “recharge” after social interaction (Rauch, 2003). The most recent research attempts to reconcile the introverted traits that clearly work against effective leadership, such as poor decision-making skills, with constructive data-based methods for overcoming the issues introverts face in leadership, especially in the workplace.

A 2015 study focused on the positive traits of introverts—i.e. analytical thinking, organization, attention to detail and caution—and connecting these to leadership roles. The study found that participants believed effective leaders could be introverts or extroverts, but believed that introverts must learn to compensate or exhibit some extroverted qualities in order to be successful (Stephens-Craig, Kuofie, & Dool, 2015) found that a possible reason for introverts’ lack of leadership presence is their tendency to negatively forecast their own performance before taking on tasks.

The over-arching theme here is that the inner self-critic (whether the introvert or the extrovert) becomes a self-harming force. Regardless of where you are on the personality spectrum be aware of how your inner thoughts can hold you back. Use the tools in this section and all is well.

Introverts are extremely self-aware, and are naturally prone to be more self-conscious (Fenigstein, Scheier, & Buss, 1975; Fletcher & Baldry, 2000).

Introverted traits often coincide with creativity, and can add value to an organization (Dannar, 2016).

Richard Branson: When I was a young boy, I would often refuse to talk to adults and cling to the back of my mother’s skirt,” he said. “As an introverted kid, my mother worried my shyness would become debilitating as I got older – to help try and tackle my shyness my mother always challenged me.”

“Introverts can use vulnerability to be a strong leader.” Netflix.com co-founder Reed Hastings

Sara Blakely, said, “On running Spanx with a feminine perspective: I was told business was war and I wanted to do it differently. Our values include being vulnerable and relying on intuition.”

Kim Staflund “Criticism stings for introverts and extroverts alike, but it’s a part of life. Let me tell you, from one introvert to another, a few times I’ve had to ask myself: What is the truth here? Is it the joy and enthusiasm I felt when I held a printed copy of the book in my hand for the very first time Or is it the self-doubt I felt when someone criticized it later on? Which one of those two moments will I use to determine the value of my book? I no longer base a books worth on whether or not I come up against criticism. Instead, I focus on the enthusiasm I feel after accomplishing a goal. That’s the truth I choose to hold onto.”

At the end of all this ‘evidence’ you might ask ‘so what?’ And you would be right. So, what?

Introverts and extroverts are equally likely to be successful, but in both cases the personality traits need to recognize potential shortcomings and adjust accordingly. The trick is from time to time to make yourself do the opposite of your tendency. An introvert should stop saying no to every social invitation and an extrovert should say no to a few and stay at home.

For instance, after Lyn died I was not at all surprised at my desire to isolate. But, intuitively I also knew that would be detrimental. So, I committed to say yes to everything, no matter how uncomfortable. I told my friends of that decision and asked them to hold me accountable to it. I know that helped me get through the grieving period a lot sooner. It also brought new and inspiring people into my life who helped me look out on life rather than internally.

When I moved to the USA I forced myself to accept every social invitation because I knew it would lead to connections and learning, whereas I know so many people who move to a new country and isolate themselves or at the most hang out in enclaves of fellow country men and women. They never achieve their dreams that way.

In business, especially as an introverted solo-entrepreneur it is important to ‘get out there.’ Go to seminars, attend webinars, join forward thinking groups.

As an extrovert, stop jumping from one group or fad to the next. Start to rely on yourself for advice and decisions rather than asking for the opinion of others.  Trust your intuition. Start to look internally. Forsake a social event for walking in a field.

It is always success with and via balance.

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