Relationship Intentions

I receive a lot of emails about relationship Intentions. Although you cannot target a specific person with your thought energy without causing chaos, you can imagine and intend a perfect relationship. Who shows up to fulfill that intention is up to life to fill in the details. It might be the person you think you like or it might be someone you have yet to meet.

The global divorce statistics are truly shocking. Portugal leads the way with 71%, UK is 39% and USA 46%. I mention it not to depress anyone but to make the point that humans are not generally very good at matchmaking.

Also, some say I am a lucky man to be unconditionally loved twice in one life. I am not. I am grateful. For each relationship I used intention setting. Lo-and-behold, cupid’s arrow struck twice.

The first time was when I was twenty years old. I was frustrated that all my friends were in serious relationships (all got divorced at least once) whereas I didn’t even have a casual one. I began to think that I had two heads. I created an intention for the kind of person I really wanted if all impediments were removed. One day I was wheeling my mother in a wheelchair through a chemotherapy ward when she stepped out in front. Nurse Lyn. “Let me introduce you to my favorite nurse,” said my mother. All I could do was grunt in response.

After forty amazing years together, (people say one has to work at a successful marriage, but this was so plane-sailing I felt guilty) Lyn died. I was as devastated as anyone could ever be. I told people I doubt I could ever love anyone else again. The thought of holding hands seemed impossible, a kiss on the lips was out of the question.

After eighteen months alone, the first time I had been on my own in my life, I realized the amazing adventure I continued to have was hollow without someone to share it with. I decided to change that. I set an intention, not for love or marriage, but for someone to show up who would inspire me to be a better person. Someone who enjoys travel with equal enthusiasm and finds me decent company. In short I was content with a great companion. I didn’t want to go the next thirty years unable to share these amazing adventures without someone who would get them.

I did a commitment ritual.

One day soon after, completely out of the blue, I felt compelled to email Jess who was in the Guild at the time. It was not planned, thought through, or even imagined that way. It just felt right. So I did.

Then a work opportunity showed up in the same Canadian town she lived. Having not traveled since Lyn died, and never having been to that town, I found myself on a plane. That first night, a few hours after I landed I was wondering what the hell crazy thing I was doing. But when I walked up behind Jess at the hostess stand of a restaurant and the exact same cupid’s arrow hit.

The exact same.

Our relationship was instant. Our marriage (though I don’t keep dates) was exactly two years to the day and time that Lyn had died 11:40 Dec 2. It was the only date and time available when we applied. I felt sure that was Lyn’s idea.

To be loved unconditionally twice in one life is almost indulgent and also is a testimony to the power of intentions.

Just as Lyn and I would never have connected if we had entered profiles on a dating network, so too Jess and I were completely (and still are) different psyches. We would never choose each other on a dating site. Yet, here we are.

Intentions work in any aspect of life.

I do get asked a lot about what I think makes a great partnership. I am always reluctant to answer because I am not a psychologist or relationship expert.

It is also debatable as to who makes the best relationship counselor, the person who has had just one long, happy relationship, or the one who has experienced several breakups. A couple I once knew went to marriage guidance a few times,  then I found out that the counselor had been divorced three times with children from each marriage. Maybe that’s a good thing? I could not get my head around it.

However, I am asked what makes a great partnership mostly because people saw my wife and I still having a good time after 40 years. Now they see me behaving like a giddy schoolboy around Jess.

We all have and had as many life-challenges as the next couple and none of us saints. But we laugh a lot and we are/were able to find humor in the darkest of places. I think that helps. I tell people I was still trying to impress both of them. Both told the same people they were still trying to train me.

That is the power of Intentions when done the right way.

When Lyn was dying she told me not to spend life alone. We talked about late-bloomer relationships. She said this:

“Part of the issue is that people work on a short timescale. They think there is just the one life, so if they don’t find their soulmate soon it will be a wasted life. Life isn’t like that. What if this life is just chapter one in a hundred chapter story? Maybe they bump into each other in chapter ten or chapter eighty. Does it matter? The other thing I see often is people falling in love with the idea of getting married. The occasion is more important than the relationship and after the ceremony nothing can match up to the thrill. Relationships are about being not doing.”

The main point is that it is perfectly acceptable to have relationship Intentions so long as you don’t target a particular person. One also has to be careful of the energy laws of thought. If one fears being alone then in all likelihood one will be alone because the energy is powerfully against it. I have a friend like this. She can’t stand to be alone and to my knowledge she is in at least her sixth relationship.

One also has to understand (and accept) that this 100 years or so of life is nothing more than a chapter in a long story. Enjoy the moment whoever it’s with, even if alone.

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